Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
