We won't sleep together?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
