and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
