thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
