I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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