sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
