i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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