So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
