They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
