I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
