I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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