i think i have herpe
just one?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
