I forgot how hot balto sounded
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
