one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
