I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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