So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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