I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
