I could have mohawked her pubes.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
