puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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