i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Randomize
