so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
