I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
