How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize