i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
