Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
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the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
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Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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