Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
