Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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