wrigley field is MILF paradise
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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