Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
