sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
