he was CRYING into my vagina
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
