i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
