New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize