I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
