My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
