if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
