I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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