im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Well I just put wine in my tea
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
