So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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