i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
