hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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