I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
