she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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