just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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