I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
