I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
