You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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