either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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