I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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