that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize