Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
