She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
