pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
