Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
As shirtless as possible
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
