The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
