Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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