i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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