I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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