Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
