and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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