Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
