If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
only if we run a train.
done.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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