She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
