you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
