her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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