youre lurking in front of me
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
