watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
