Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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