Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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