So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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