how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
