You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
