I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You're my little dorito
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
