Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
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