Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
