It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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