bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
