I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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