okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
