she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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